i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize