therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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