So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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