We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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