alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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