On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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