Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize