so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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