Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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