yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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