That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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