I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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