mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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