My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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