My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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