How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize