so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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