i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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