Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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