U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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