I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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