Umm I'm too high to move.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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