Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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