I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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