i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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