Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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