my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
last night I used snow as a chaser
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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