there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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