Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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