i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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