I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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