So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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