So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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