last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize