The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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