Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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