If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize