Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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