Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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