Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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