She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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