don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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