and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize