i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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