Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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