it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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