Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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