We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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