My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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