mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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